How to Get a Girl’s Number (in 3 Simple Steps)

Getting a girl’s number doesn’t have to be as complicated as some people make it out to be. You don’t need a magical pickup line or an elaborate strategy—just strike up a conversation, build a connection, and ask for her number when the mood is good.

If the thought of asking for a girl’s number makes you feel a bit nervous, don’t worry—that’s completely normal. With practice, it becomes much easier.

This article will walk you through three easy steps to help you confidently ask for a girl’s number. From approaching her and starting a conversation to making the request, you’ll learn the simple techniques to make the process feel natural and stress-free.

Step 1: Making the Approach

It all begins with the approach. Without the courage to approach the girl you like, your chances of getting her number are slim. Sure, you might get lucky and have her approach you, but that’s far less common—and not something you want to rely on.

Choosing the right time to approach

When thinking about approaching a girl, the first thing to consider is whether it’s an appropriate time. Some scenarios are generally acceptable as long as you’re polite and respectful, while others are better avoided.

The generally appropriate times to approach a girl:

  • She’s casually sitting, standing, or browsing and doesn’t seem intensely busy or focused.
  • You’re at a party, networking event, or social gathering.
  • There’s a natural conversation starter—something happening around you both that you can use to initiate a discussion.
  • She smiles, makes eye contact, or gives another positive signal.

Times when it’s usually inappropriate to approach:

  • She’s busy with work or engaged in another activity, such as in the middle of a workout at the gym.
  • She’s engaged in a deep conversation with someone else.
  • She’s alone late at night in the dark, which could feel intimidating or unsafe for her.
  • She appears to be with her boyfriend or husband, such as when they’re holding hands or showing other clear signs of being a couple.

Getting into the right state of mind

Feeling a bit nervous when approaching a girl you like is entirely normal. However, it’s important to stay as calm and collected as possible. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that approaching someone isn’t a life-or-death situation.

Avoid hesitating too long or overthinking it, as this will only psych you out. Instead, take a moment to compose yourself, ensure it’s an appropriate time, and then go for it.

Remember, many women appreciate it when a man takes the initiative and approaches confidently. Don’t feel like this is something only other guys can do—it’s absolutely something you can do, too.

The most important thing is having the courage to try. Whether or not the interaction goes as well as you hoped, give yourself credit for making the effort. Not every woman you like will feel the same way, but unless you try, you’ll never know—and you’ll never have the chance to get her number.

Approaching women gets easier with practice. With every attempt, you’ll feel a bit more comfortable, gain confidence, and learn to enjoy the experience of meeting someone new.

How to approach her

So, you think it’s the right time to approach her, and you’ve mustered the courage to go for it. But what should you actually do to start the interaction?

It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. A simple “Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself” can work, or you could make a comment about your surroundings, such as: “Hey, this place is pretty cool. Have you been here before?”

If you’re particularly worried about rejection, you don’t even need to start with words. If you catch her eye, try giving her a friendly wave, raising your glass if you’re in a bar, or even making a playful, funny face to gauge her reaction.

If she responds positively—like waving back, raising her glass, or smiling—you’ll know it’s okay to approach her, introduce yourself, and move on to step two: starting a conversation.

If she doesn’t respond positively, this is generally an easier form of rejection than walking up to her, starting a conversation, and being turned down. This technique allows you to gauge her openness to interacting from a distance, which is less intimidating for both you and her.

Step 2: Striking Up a Conversation

Okay, so you’ve approached the girl and received some positive signals from her, such as a smile or a friendly “hi” in return, and she didn’t look away in discomfort. This means it’s fine to start striking up a conversation.

This is your opportunity to build rapport and establish a genuine connection, which will set the stage for asking for her number. But how do you start a conversation, keep it engaging, and avoid those dreaded awkward silences? Follow these six tips to make it smooth and enjoyable.

1. Do most of the talking initially

Since you’re the one approaching, it’s generally best for you to take the lead and do most of the talking for the first minute or so—without being overly dominant or aggressive—unless she’s immediately very open to interacting. This helps avoid putting the conversational pressure on her right away and reduces the likelihood of awkward silences.

2. Respond meaningfully to what she says

Rather than asking her a series of questions one after another—which can feel like a job interview and put a lot of pressure on her—focus on responding meaningfully to her answers. This shows that you’re thoughtful and genuinely interested in what she’s saying.

For example, if you ask her about her hobbies and she mentions that she’s into art, take a moment to reflect on what that might reveal about her personality. Then, share your own thoughts or observations about art before moving on to another topic.

You might respond with something like, “Oh, you’re into art? That probably means you’re really creative, enjoy working with your hands, or have an appreciation for beauty in the world.”

She may agree or share her personal reasons for being passionate about art. From there, you could follow up by sharing your own perspective on art—perhaps a type of art you enjoy or why you find it interesting. This creates a deeper, more meaningful interaction because you’re truly engaging with each other and getting to know one another.

3. Make fun guesses about her

We’re all familiar with the usual small-talk questions when meeting someone new, like “Where are you from?” “What’s your job?” or “What’s your favorite food?” While these questions are fine, you can make the interaction more fun and engaging by turning them into playful guesses.

Instead of asking directly, make a guess and share why you think that. This approach still gets you the key information, but in a way that’s more interesting and memorable. If you guess correctly, it can make you seem observant and sharp. And if you’re wrong, it often leads to a funny moment and makes her curious about why you thought that.

For example, you might guess where she’s from based on her accent, what her star sign might be because of her personality, or even what kind of hobbies or music she enjoys based on how she’s dressed.

Just make sure your guesses are lighthearted, positive, and fun—avoid negative or overly serious guesses that could create discomfort.

4. Discover and share passions

Take the time to find out what she’s passionate about—it could be anything from family and travel to dance. Show genuine interest and connect with her by acknowledging and understanding why these things are meaningful to her.

Likewise, share your own passions and speak about them with energy and enthusiasm. When you talk about something you truly enjoy, be expressive. Your excitement can be captivating and draw her into the conversation.

Here are a few topics that often inspire passionate and meaningful discussions:

  • Hobbies and interests
  • Memorable experiences (e.g., childhood stories or milestones achieved)
  • Future goals and dreams
  • Relationships with loved ones

5. Compliment her in a unique way

Instead of simply telling her she’s beautiful—a compliment she’s likely heard many times—try noticing and appreciating other details about her appearance, such as her hairstyle, clothes, accessories, jewelry, or nails. Women often put significant thought and effort into their looks; for instance, her bag might perfectly match her shoes, belt, or dress.

Since most people overlook these subtleties, she’ll likely feel appreciated and flattered if you notice. This kind of thoughtful compliment stands out and feels more personal.

6. Steer clear of controversial topics

When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s best to avoid topics like politics or religion. These subjects can be polarizing and often lead to serious or tense discussions, which aren’t ideal for keeping the conversation fun and lighthearted. Stick to topics that foster positivity and connection instead.

Step 3: Asking for Her Number

So, you’re in a conversation, things are going well, and a connection is forming. If the mood is positive, it’s likely already okay to ask for her number.

You can do this simply by saying, “It’s been great talking with you. We should continue this sometime.” If she responds positively with something like “Sure” or “Yes,” you can then ask for her number or the best way to stay in touch.

If the conversation is going okay, but you’re still unsure whether to ask for her number, look out for these signs of interest:

  • Maintains eye contact: Looks at you frequently or holds your gaze.
  • Smiles often: Genuine, warm smiles when interacting with you.
  • Leans in: Moves closer to you or angles her body toward you.
  • Mirrors your actions: Subtly mimics your gestures or posture.
  • Asks personal questions: Shows interest in your life, hobbies, and opinions.
  • Laughs at your jokes: Even if they’re not particularly funny.
  • Plays with her hair: Touches or twirls her hair in a flirty way.
  • Compliments you: Offers genuine compliments about your appearance, style, or personality.
  • Availability hints: She mentions when she’s free or discusses her schedule, hoping you’ll ask her out.

Give her a reason to share her number

A great way to increase the chances of her giving you her number is to suggest ideas for meeting up in the future. For example, if she mentions she’s into art or music, you could suggest going to see a local band perform or visiting an upcoming art exhibition together.

If she’s interested and agrees, asking for her number or social media to finalize the plans becomes a natural next step, and she will be very unlikely to say no at this point.

Don’t wait too long to ask

It’s best to ask for a girl’s number at the peak of the conversation—for example, when you’re both clearly enjoying the interaction. If you’re having a great time, chances are she is too, and she’ll be much more likely to share her number in that moment than if you wait until the conversation starts to lag or you run out of things to say.

Additionally, asking midway through the conversation, when the energy is high, allows you to keep chatting afterward. This helps her feel like you’re genuinely interested in the interaction and not just there to get her number and leave.

Handle a rejection respectfully

If things don’t go as well as planned and she decides not to give you her number, it’s important to handle the rejection respectfully. Remember, you’re never entitled to someone’s number, and while rejection can be tough to swallow, it’s always best to end the conversation politely and gracefully.

Show that you’re okay with her choice and that there are no hard feelings. You could say something like, “No worries at all. It was really nice chatting with you. Have a great day!”

Remember, don’t beat yourself up or let a rejection discourage you. Every time you step out of your comfort zone and ask for a number, you’re building confidence and increasing your chances of a positive outcome next time.

If you want to build confidence and get more comfortable talking with girls before entering the real dating world, consider trying an app like AI Girlfriend.